Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
