Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
