wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
