Midget sex pt 2 tonight
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
