You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
