An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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