i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
