i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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