I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
