I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
