I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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