This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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