I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she peed on how many people?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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