We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
