God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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