Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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