Just fell off a train. Bad.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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