Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
