Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
