oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
