I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
