guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize