So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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