This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
