i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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