I need help removing her.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
