I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
