I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
