You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am naked and annoyed.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
