she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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