I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
