doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
