UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
