Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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