you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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