I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
