I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
