so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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