I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
did i walk over a car last night?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
