Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
