Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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