I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
