Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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