pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
