why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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