Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
