I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
