True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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