I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
