So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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