I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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