Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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