Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
