??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
