I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
