whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
