It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
