like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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