I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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