Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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