3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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