Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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