Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She's the barista slut.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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