Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
