My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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