nut hugger
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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