based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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