I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
