How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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