how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
