so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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