So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
