Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
