Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
