Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
